NFL Marketing Juggernaut Hits Phoenix: Female, Gay Workforce Productivity Plummets
Super Bowl week has begun in the Valley of the Sun, and with it comes the promised hundreds of millions of dollars in tourism revenues and direct investment. There has been another result - one that is considerably less positive. The NFL has blanketed the valley with thousands of banners and signs, making Phoenix the center of the sports universe. In Downtown Phoenix, the employment center of the valley, some 260 banners have been installed in a 90 square block area. The most prominent of which is hung on the east side of the Hyatt Hotel - the media headquarters for the Super Bowl. The NFL saw fit to install a giant banner featuring Tom Brady, one that dwarfs the first-floor lobby. The banner was installed last week, and already complaints are surfacing.
Interviews with human resource representatives in the downtown area have reported a disturbing trend amongst their female employees. Jeannie Raskin, office manager in one of the downtown towers said “Since the Tom Brady sign went up, I have noticed our female employees taking 3 or 4 hour lunches, or simply disappearing all together. I asked our receptionist where she had been the whole day, she said she was down at the Hyatt, staring at Tom. I can’t say I blame her - if I didn’t have this GD audit to finish, that’s where I would be.” Companies affected by the Brady banner have instituted new procedures to try and wean their female employees off having to go check Brady out every twenty minutes. Jennifer Grayson, HR Director for the Phoenix Tourism and Convention Board reported that companies have hired security guards to round up employees after lunch and even distributed framed 5×7 photos of Mr. Brady so women can gaze into his dreamy eyes from their workstation.
Vanessa H., a downtown employee gave voice to the dilemma that many women are struggling with. “Why would the NFL put a giant poster of the most delicious man on the planet right next to my office? How do they expect me to focus this week? I tried moving my office to the side of the building that has a view of the sign, but they told me maintenance was sick of cleaning the lipstick and smudges off the inside of the window. Thanks a lot ladies. Sorry - I am a little flustered with all this talk about Tom… does the AC work in here? Why am I sweating?”
The lack of employee focus has spread to other segments of the workforce. Amsterdam’s, a well known downtown gay bar is having trouble staffing some of their regular events. “On Mondays, we have our most delightful event… Martini’s and Makeovers. We have some really talented boys here, and everyone leaves here looking fabulous! I don’t know if we can do it this week though - I called Jace, Seth, Sinbad and Rebel, and they said there were having some candlelight picnic on the sidewalk underneath the Brady sign. How can they do that? Of course, he is the hottest piece of manflesh in generations, but how can you pass up a pink elephant martini and a sequin Cher costume?” said Rod “Hot-Rod” Flowers, night manager for Amsterdam’s. Another gay-friendly nightclub - Burn has reported trouble finding male models to stand shirtless in their restroom and hand out paper towels. “They all want to go to the Hyatt and take off their shirts… C’mon, Brady is staying in Scottsdale for crying out loud! I don’t know what we are going to do with Thursday night Baby -Oil LeapFrog this week. Maybe we should just move it over there!” (Plenty O’Toole - Burn Events Coordinator)
All the news is not bad however, Networks Restaurant in the Hyatt has reported a sharp increase in sales, mostly dinner salads and champagne cocktails.
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