The Messiah comes to Denver!! Hope, Change…. and urine bombs?

Posted by Tai-Pan

July 15, 2008

(Scene: a quiet evening in a random city. You can catch a glimpse of the Obama sign in the front yard as a white-middle class man and his 10-year old son lounge on the sofa. They are watching television and a report about the upcoming Democratic convention piques the boy’s interest.)

Little Johnny Dem: Daddy, can we go to to Denver to watch Mr. Obalama become President?

Poppa Donkey: Ha ha, I think that is a great idea - but try to remember that he is Senator Obama.

Little Johnny Dem: He is a Senator!? Wow - that is so cool… I just thought he was a good basketball player!

Poppa Donkey: Yes, he is a Senator, and a great basketball player - you should feel privileged to live in such a time - finally, a half African-American man will accept his party’s nomination for President.

Little Johnny Dem: You mean he won’t be President in the Denver Bronco stadium?

Poppa Donkey: No, not quite yet - we still have to go through an election. People have to come out and vote for him instead of Senator McCain.

Little Johnny Dem: Senator McCain? You mean the old man who looks like he smells? Can he play basketball?

Poppa Donkey: Yes, him. I don’t think he can play basketball very well - you see his arms are very short because when he was younger he was involved in another illegal war, was captured and punished by peace loving Vietnamese people who just wanted him to stop bombing their babies.

Little Johnny Dem: Ewww gross… I don’t want a baby killer to be our President! Especially if he can’t play basketball!

Poppa Donkey: Don’t worry Johnny - the American people have had enough of our country being the greatest in the world. Senator Obama will help us get in line with the rest of them… The election is just a formality - Barack Obama is destined to lead us.

(MSNBC is on the television - up comes the news teaser for the next segment)

“In an effort to maintain order and ensure the safety of security personnel at the upcoming Democratic convention, Denver Police have proposed a new ordinance designed to control protesters”

Little Johnny Dem: Oooh Daddy turn it up - they are talking about Oblama in Denver! You said we could go!

“the Denver Police Department has submitted a second proposal specifically banning pipes, chains and materials that could be used to fashion urine and feces bombs. The original proposal which included restrictions on citizens possessing bulletproof vests and gas masks was met with objections by Denver Councilman Doug Linkhart. He has recently said that many of his concerns have been eased”

Denver Police propose new crowd control ordinance

Little Johnny Dem: Daddy - what’s a feshees bomb?

Poppa Donkey: Er, uh - well son feces is another word for poop…

Little Johnny Dem: Poopy! how do you make a bomb out of poopy?

Poppa Donkey: Well, son - some people are so angry about things that they put pee-pee and poopy in plastic bags and bottles and throw them at police officers to express their anger.

Little Johnny Dem: Who would want to throw pee and poop at the policemen trying to protect Mr. Oblama? Those goddamn Repooblicans?

Poppa Donkey: Son, please watch your language. You know we don’t like the “R” word used in this house - call them Nazis instead. Unfortunately the people who are going to protest in Denver are not Republicans - they are people who are fed up with the Nazis polluting this country, making alot of money off the poor people of the world, torturing animals through medical testing, and most importantly using our military to kill innocent people all over the world - all in a quest to make more money for rich people.

(Little Johnny Dem pauses, thinking)

Little Johnny Dem: Daddy?

Poppa Donkey: Yes, son?

Little Johnny Dem: I thought you were mad about all of those things too - Isn’t Mr. Obalama mad about the military killing brown kids for oil?

Poppa Donkey: Of course he is son - and so am I. It is hard to understand, but those protesters don’t think that President Obama will go far enough - they just choose to express their anger in more extreme ways than we do. We are all on the same team… even if sometimes it doesn’t look that way. When your mother and I were in college we did quite a bit of protesting. One time the Nazis got so mad about us speaking our minds, they sent the army to a college and shot some students - just because they decided to speak out against our military burning little kids far-away in southeast Asia.

Little Johnny Dem: The goddamn Nazis killed them? Are they bad? Do they really like killing families?

Poppa Donkey: Of course the Repub.. woops the Nazis are evil. They do everything they can to make sure people with different color skin stay poor. If anyone dares to speak out against them, they throw them in jail or shoot them or invade their country so they can steal everything.

Little Johnny Dem: Daddy, I don’t want to get pee-pee and poopy thrown at me.

Poppa Donkey: Me neither son, but that is what might happen if we go to watch Obama in Denver.

Little Johnny Dem: Daddy - I am confused. Can’t we just tell them we agree with them and they will leave us alone?

Poppa Donkey: Sorry son, its not that simple. These people are very committed to their cause. They will hit the police with bars, smash windows and chain themselves to light-poles to avoid being arrested. Once they get started, it is very hard to get them to stop.

Little Johnny Dem: That sounds super scary - I don’t want to go to Denver… Can we just go get pizza instead? I promise not to ask for pepperoni!

Poppa Donkey: Ha ha - of course son - I am so proud that you are learning respect for all forms of life. Pigs are people too… No matter how delicious they may seem.

Little Johnny Dem: Can we wait for Mommy to get home?

Poppa Donkey: Sure - it shouldn’t be too long. The Marine Corps Recruiting Office closes at 6. Their blockade protest should wrap up soon after.